4. Stick to the subject at hand.
In many marriages, confronting an issue is the gunpowder that ignites World War III. Defenses kick in. Accusations fly. And by the time the smoke has cleared, spouses have bombed each other with everything that has happened since the day they were married.

When you decide to face an issue, don’t allow yourself—or your mate—to drag in past hurts. Deal with one issue at a time. Make a rule between yourselves that if neither is willing to discuss a sore point as soon as it happens, then the issue cannot be used as ammunition for future fights.

3. State exactly what is bothering you.
Donna was upset. She had repeatedly asked Frank to pick up his clothes. But, once again, she stared down at his dirty socks lying on the bedroom floor.

I shouldn’t make such a big deal out of it, she thought. After all, I’m the one who’s home all day.

Justifying an irritating action or hoping an issue will just go away doesn’t work. Hiding the pain that you feel today will only resurface in the form of sarcasm, criticism, or anger later. When you choose to overlook a potential conflict, you allow resentment to build, while inviting strife and division to take up residence. It also means that you are giving your mate permission to continue his or her bothersome behavior.

For a marriage to remain on equal footing, both spouses must take responsibility for their actions. Be willing to state exactly what is that you don’t like. Then the two of you can discuss some specific solutions.

2. Discuss the conflict as soon as possible.
The old proverb, “time heals all wounds” does not apply to conflicts in marriage. But the modern-day saying, “timing is everything” does. When an irritating issue is unresolved, it builds emotional distance between you and your spouse. And just like a splinter, the issue gets under your skin and continues to fester until it is dealt with. When your spouse’s behavior bothers you, make a decision to confront your mate as soon as possible. If the issue needs your undivided attention, choose a time when no one else is around—even if you have to ask for a few minutes alone together.

Simon Presland is a freelance writer living in Essex,
Ontario.  He has written an excellent article on resolving marital conflict.  He has 10 rules for getting good at what we all do. I plan to publish 1 rule each day.

Fighting is one of the ways we resolve marital conflicts. Here are ten guidelines to help you do it in a healthy way.

1. Face your fear of confrontation.

Do you cringe at the thought of confrontation? Due to past experiences, you may perceive any conflict or confrontation as an emotionally crushing experience. You may believe, If we clash, I’ll be judged, or worse, rejected.

Pastor Luke Perry, a licensed marriage counselor, notes that a fear-based mentality is the root of this perception. “Spouses who think this way are caught in a cycle of self-condemnation,” he says. “This is often due to a lack of acceptance while growing up. When this fear controls a person, confrontation can be very painful.”

Overcoming this fear starts with understanding that confronting your spouse is an act of love. According to 1 John 4:18, perfect love casts out all fear. It may be helpful to write down a list of the benefits that will result when the hurtful issue is resolved. This will keep you focused on the reasons for talking about the situation. Refer to it when either you or your spouse becomes defensive. Shining a positive light on a delicate confrontation will help keep peace between you.

Have you ever considered the biblical purpose for marriage?  Is it just for procreation?  Is the mission of marriage my happiness or my holiness?  What a radical thought!  And so biblical!  Want to become more like Jesus?  Get married!  That sure goes counter culture doesn’t it?  Sacred Marriage covers this concept.  The premise is definitely in harmony with Ephesians 5:21.  I believe reading and applying the teachings found in Sacred Marriage will bless you and your spouse….A Must Read!

A  92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o’clock, with his hair fashionably coifed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today.  His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready.

As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window.

So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories!

According to Dr. Williard Harley, in his book, His Needs, Her Needs, there are needs in marriage that both husband and wife have that are met exclusively in the context of marriage by their spouse. 

Husband do you know what your wife’s number 1 need is?  Wife, do you know what you husband’s number 1 need is? 

Can you list all 5?

Log in tomorrow to discover this very important answer. 

 I will be purchasing copies of both of these books.  I can get them for $9.47 each.  If I can order $25.00 or more I receive free shipping.  Let me know if you, or anyone you know, that is interested.

“Yes, I’ve just finished my 5th latte grande and 14 hours on the road with 7 baseball fanatics!  Why do you ask?”

God didn’t promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain; but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.

Dissapointments are like road bumps, they slow you down a bit, but you enjoy the smooth road afterwards.  Don’t stay on the bumps too long.  Move on!

When something happens to you, good or bad, consider what it means.  There’s a purpose to life’s events, to teach you how to laugh more or not to cry too hard.

No one can go back and make a brand new start, but you can start right now and make a brand new end.

“I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love.”  Mother Teresa